the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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