yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
