So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
