Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm passing your future prison.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
