I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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