You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My dick has a subreddit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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