i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
