: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
