did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
