Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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