she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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