I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
