May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
