He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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