I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
