There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
