That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
now i know why i became what i already was.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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