He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
