i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
