Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
