We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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