.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
