theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
