I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
