Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Couch. On fire.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
