Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
