Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
