Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
