Soap is not a condiment
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
