she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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