don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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