ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I met the friendliest cop last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
