Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
