All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
