genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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