I wish I could teleport
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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