Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
