toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
