apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
