The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
