Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
