tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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