I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
