I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
