I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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