Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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