her vagine was all disorganized.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
