the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
