MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
