My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
