ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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