Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is wine microwaveable?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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