I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
