There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
